Aug. 19, 2024
Tears and reassurance: Ferris State experts share tips for parents dropping off students at college for the first time
There’s going to be some tears. And that’s OK.
Parents across the country are dropping off their college freshman at residence halls this week, nervously unpacking boxes of belongings - and some anxiety, too. Even those who are embracing the transition face some emotional and logistical challenges on move-in day.
Lisa Ortiz, Ferris State University’s director of Housing and Residential Life, has helped thousands of families navigate the rite of passage during her 21 years in the field.
“It’s a major transition,” Ortiz said. “I think it is more that the parents have trouble letting go. The college student is looking forward to that new experience. The parents know they are going to go home to something missing. That’s always difficult.”
Things get better in the days and weeks ahead as everyone adjusts and schedules are filled with classes and new friends. But driving away that first time can be as tough for the ones waving goodbye in the car as well as the one at the curb.
Ortiz has 10 move-in day tips to help both sides prepare for and get through the big day.
- Anticipate it’s going to be emotional and a little stressful.
Be prepared to be sad when you drop off your student. But also, be prepared to be happy. And be prepared to be excited they are experiencing college life. Move in is stressful, no matter how well-planned. You are only going to drop your student off at college for the first time once, so try to make it an enjoyable experience for both you and the student. You raised your student to get them to this point. Trust them to succeed.
- Don’t fill a U-Haul.
Residence hall rooms are only so big. When you arrive with a stuffed trailer, understand you might be taking some of those belongings back home. There is not space for large storage totes in the room. And a student might want to go with their new roommate to pick out some things and really start to make that space their own.
- Check to see what’s allowed.
Look for your university’s list of what to bring and what not to bring, verses what the box stores might tell you what you need.
- You don’t need to bring everything at once.
Students who go home during the academic year can trade out summer clothes for their
winter wear. That gives them an opportunity to come home and see you but also to transition
their clothes.
5) Let the student lead the process.
Allow the student to show leadership and a little independence. Let them make the decisions about what to take in, and what they need. The parents can be listening and supporting, but let the student lead the way.
- Bring a special reminder of home.
Some parents choose to send something special along with their students, whether it is a stuffed animal or a blanket. It could be something the student enjoyed when they were younger. Find something that the student can look at and remember home.
- Spend some time on campus.
There are plenty of opportunities to make memories. Help your student set up their room so they remember your face in their new environment. Siblings and friends can be part of the sendoff. Get a feel for campus so you can picture your student there. Walk to the bookstore to check out the mom and dad shirts. Start to experience a little of that college life. But when everything is settled, the room is set up, and you have enjoyed a meal, it’s time to leave. Let the student go and experience.
- Be aware of helpful campus resources.
Many people are there to help on move-in day – and beyond. If the student is experiencing anxiety, remind them you are only a phone call away. But also encourage them to solve problems themselves before asking you to solve things for them. Remind them of other solutions, whether it is going to meet professors, meeting other students, or joining a student organization. Resident assistants are there to support students. Colleges often have personal counseling centers that are prepared to help with homesickness. Sometimes the cure is as simple as just getting out of the residence hall room and connecting with others.
- Give them a hug.
Ortiz said her best piece of advice for parents is to give the students a hug. They’re going to need it. Mom and dad are going to need it, too. Let the student know you are proud of them and will miss them. Reassure them by telling them they are ready.
- Be prepared to see the empty bedroom when you get hone.
This is where it hits for many parents. Hard. College is life-changing for everyone. It is an opportunity to see your student becoming an adult, developing their own values, goals, and achievements separate from the family. Remember that you’ve prepared your child for this opportunity to spread their wings and find success.